“The ultimate betrayal by the one you trust. But are some men hardwired to be adulterers or is it brazen opportunism? Author Peadar de Burca spoke to 250 unfaithful men to discover the answer.”
I interviewed 250 men who had cheated on their partners. They wore me out, but I learnt a lot – give me 10 minutes with any man, young or old, and I’ll tell you if his a cheat or not. In five years of interviews, I would always ask what the ‘other’ woman was like – appearance, personality, profession. There was one constant. Longer hair. (Now you know why women compliment other women after a haircut – another rival out of the equation). Why did I interview these men? I wanted to find out why men cheat so that I wouldn’t make any mistakes when I met the woman I loved.
When my interviewees recollected their affairs, talk of sex was absent. The memory of great sex will fade as quickly as the memory of a great meal. What animated their stories was being born again in another’s eyes. A new woman meant a new them; briefly they could stop being their old hated self.
Cheats initially project the very image of heartiness – an easy smile, a laugh, a little bit of what you fancy. Spend enough time with them, ask the right questions and the facade starts to crumble. Social status is no insulation – the profession that popped up the most from my 250 interviews? Doctors.
To date I’ve spoken to almost 100 women who’ve been cheated on. Their stories are passionate and honest. Some women are inspiring; they moved on from the cheats and blossomed. But many didn’t value themselves enough to do anything but put up with it.
By the time I came to the end of my male interviews, I was exhausted from spending time with a legion of fools. Men? The stubble on their crooked faces gave them that appearance, but their actions marked them as frightened little boys.
“You want to know how a man will behave in a relationship? Watch how he behaves around the people who raised him, don’t just listen to what he says. How does he interact with his sisters, his mother? How does he value them? The men I talked to showed a startling lack of respect when reflecting on theirs. Don’t focus on his job or income, focus on his energy. Does he make time for those that are close to him? Watch. Maybe you’ll find that you do indeed have someone who is interested in being the sort of man that thinks of others rather than his own selfish pleasure. Am I that man? I really hope so. Not just for my new wife’s sake (I found The One), but for mine. Nowadays we have very little to believe in, but I believe in my family; I believe in love.”
I can’t believe that the author of this article spent 5 years researching ‘why men cheat’…how depressing must that have been. Being a woman that has experienced a man cheating on her I have found the best way of dealing with it was to close the page on that nasty book and move on!
What put an interesting spin on this article was that it was written by a man (which I didn’t realise until half way through the first page!) He had his reasons for the research – he wanted to be a better man, be a good man for his future wife. He actually described the men he interviewed as ‘fools’, not brave but true – men that cheat are fools (and women too) Why cheat? If you do not want to be with someone then be single, play around, but don’t play with peoples hearts. How do you feel about this issue? Have you been cheated on – do you agree with the author of this articles points? Are all men capable of cheating? Or are you the cheater – what are your views on the subject?